In the Name of (Hair) Love

So as a woman, you know how important hair is to us. What it says about us. What we try to change about it. But what if you just didn’t have much?

#angelhair #acceptanceofmylocks #susanstrasser #writingcommunity

Where is my hair?!

I asked myself this ? yesterday as I pulled my very-fine, shoulder-length tresses into a flip at the back of my head. Since my hair  was dirty, I saw streaks of my blonde or something on the sides. At first I’m like, What? Then I’m like, oh yeah, that’s my scalp. 

Sometimes I almost forget that I have super-thin hair and moderate male pattern baldness. 

I’ve been hating on my hair for a long time, way before a pandemic made us all appreciate what beauty shops do.

I wish that I could say that it wasn’t so.

Somedays, when I’m feeling spiritual, I accept it. Others, I loathe it, and try to do my best. 

When I was a little girl, my hair was fine.

I had bangs through all my elementary school pictures and they looked… fine.

But when I look closer, they are too fine… as in getting finer and finer in texture every grade: 4th, 5th, then 6th grade when puberty was starting: BAM! They are almost transparent.

That same year, a kid asked me if I had cancer.

In 9th grade, another boy called me Baldy.

I was devastated by both. I couldn’t tell anyone.

During hormonal shifts such as puberty, a girl might develop a chemical imbalance and have more testosterone than estrogen, a dermatologist said. Mom took me to one in high school.   The chemical imbalance can cause partial baldness. 

Do you know how awful it is to be told that as a teenage girl you have more of a male hormone in you than what you’re supposed to have? 

More testosterone though could explain my anger or aggression, though, that somehow came out sideways as depression.

But as a teen particularly, there I was, running around with untreated bi-polar and being an addict (upcoming blogs!), worried about who I was and what I was going to do with my life, and I have to deal with this, too?

Always with physical appearances! It gets so old! I struggled with weight, but here was something that I couldn’t fix. How do I get hair back on my head? If I can’t, can I make peace with it? 

The dermatologist prescribed me Rogaine, and I used it for several years, but I don’t think it did anything. Or did it?

Mom had the right idea- she was trying to help- but by finally writing this blog and putting it out to you all this week… I’ve spent 30 solid minutes of time here on my computer doing real research.  I’ve been simply postponing googling hair replacement out of shame.

My friends in recovery will often commit to doing a positive action to each other to ensure it gets done. For example, I might say: “I commit to taking a walk around the block today.” 

Well, readers, today I commit to 15-30 more minutes of research online into hair replacement.

What’s something would you like to commit yourself to doing today?

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